When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three - Elayne Boosler
I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body. - Elayne Boosler
When the sun comes up, I have morals again. - Elayne Boosler
I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me. - Elayne Boosler
Ever notice that Soup For One is eight aisles away from Party Mix? - Elayne Boosler